Entry #16

Blog update:

2015-08-30 07:31:08 by Doomroar
Updated

turd


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nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-10-29 20:29:50

Maybe Vic developed ITAPS (Immune to Pain Syndrome) involving a special kind of Vicodin which was being produced in one of the labs during the SCI-I. Some of the lab workers of this drug, that happened to be in close proximity of the blast were shielded from all pain. Painless mutations.

We are getting so high that we are losing sight of Harry and Sally, unable to even see what sexual shenanigans are taking places.

Nietz: "Quick! Let's get out the Kite Telescopes!"
Doomroar: "What's going on? I can't see!"
Nietz: "I think he is entering her now!"

Doomroar responds:

Doomroar: "Oooooh yeah he is!"
Nietz: "Now get the camera."
Doomroar: "The camera?"
Nietz: "Bloody hell!"
Doomroar: "I mean, we never talked about making this into a business."
Netz: "How do you want to do proper voyeurism without a camera?"
Doomroar: "I wasn't planning on doing voyeurism to begin with..."
Nietz: "How do you explain the ninja kites, and the bushes then?"
Doomroar: "Those just happened like the Vicodin, and the... what is that!?"


S3CS3C

2015-10-30 06:24:47

looks like a healthy bowel movement!! that's all i have to say

Doomroar responds:

Is a fine turd isn't it? look at such fine shape and color!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-10-30 17:42:09

Nietz: "We could fly across the whole world with these scopes! Spying on copulating couples and their unscrupulous acts of pleasure."
Doomroar: "Remember, these aren't real scopes. It's the Vicodin talking."
Nietz: "Talking Vicodin? Where?"
Vicodin: "Hey guys, we're on to a real winner with this voyeurism business."
Doomroar: "Who the fuck are you?"
Vicodin: "I'm vish whwydg wgygsshdj saa."
Nietz: "Shit! The Vicodin effects are wearing off, let's take some more!"
Doomroar: "I've got a few hundred more tabs in my bag!"
Nietz: "Hurry, we don't have much ti sshuha dhuhs garhsj."
Doomroar: "Sruhshkj djij akku huha kss."
Vicodin: "Dh hsu juj la dhff uash."
Doomroar: "Here you go! Three tabs. These fuckers should last a while!"
Nietz: "Back on that kite we go!"
Doomroar: "Oooh, it's getting interesting now! Harry is jizzing on Sally!"

Doomroar responds:

looks like a healthy genital movement!! that's all i have to say


S3CS3C

2015-10-31 05:33:41

Life is profound, infinitely complex, yet all the same equally meaningless, absurd, and any event ever imaginable has already had happened and always was bound to happen. We take things for granted, abuse our gift (and curse) of a high level of sentience by refusing to be awake, not working towards developing an objective conscience, yet none of this really matters in this f*cked up world...there's your stinkin' abstract!!

Doomroar responds:

Really man? those are old news, ooold news, seems like you need a hobby and a goal that will help your brain forget the nihilism that is sentient life, in short the ability to take things for granted is actually what allows us to effectively operate in this fucked up world, even if it means following a fallacy of a presumption.

Great abstract btw.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-10-31 18:15:43

Floating voyeurism with a Hubble telescope is the perfect crime.

Doomroar responds:

Unless we are using this for blackmail it all seems kinda pointless, specially since we don't have a camera with us.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-01 01:36:13

We don't have a camera, but we do have a chimera with cameras for eyes.

Doomroar responds:

Good that will do, now in which format does it record? we do need to reproduce what we film into a watchable medium.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-01 01:57:09

It records at the same quality as a store CCTV camera. Really grainy, time lapse, black and white, time and date ticking in the corner.

Talk about killing the mood. While they were at it, the camera even managed to capture a robbery taking place in the background.

Doomroar responds:

Well now we can also blackmail the thief, this is turning out to be quite profitable actually.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-02 00:16:08

Fuckin' up lives from da clouds. It's what we do. 24/7365.

Doomroar responds:

That's our shit so to speak.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-02 22:19:24

We have been holding shit down since Day Dot.

Doomroar responds:

We have been coming full circle since dat day.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-03 21:31:28

We have been unfolding the plot of Dae Dog.

Doomroar responds:

It turns out the writer could have done a less lazy work folding dat plot.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-04 00:40:53

But some like dat plot to be hot, not cold like my chicken this evening when I microwaved my curry for precisely 8 minutes. Then I was angered by the inclusion of Bay Leaves. Why couldn't they just leave those damn leaves out of these negotations! We're trying to talk a man from jumping off a damn building! Says he is fed up with life! Fed up of being fed chicken scratch and other sickly shit. He is sick of lying in shit, he is sick of lying about wanting to die. He is just sick in the fucking head! He needs to be committed to a Mental, Physical and Spiritual Hospital and sectioned under SECTION A OF THE MENTAL HEALTH ACT. But he doesn't want to be sectioned, he just wants to eat flies and other insects and poke out the eyes of old folk. No joke man... Ted is one crazy fucker, he once pissed in a yucca plant that belonged to Leonard Tucca.

But at least it made Chris Tucker laugh.

Doomroar responds:

As long as Chris is laughing everything is fine, after all everyone hates him.

Wait we were trying to stop Ted from jumping or encourage him?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-04 09:20:24

We should create a Save Ted Reddit Campaign. It's the only chance we have of talking him out of doing something stupid. He has a wife and kids, friends that like him, women that want to be with him.. including 7-foot transvestites and Golems with oversized testicles. If Ted doesn't realise why he sh......

Oh. He's already jumped.

This time Chris Tucker didn't laugh...

Doomroar responds:

I kinda pushed him off...

He wasn't paying attention that's why he didn't laugh, how inconsiderate of Chris, no wonder everybody hates Chris.

What? that was another Chris? well shit, then lets forget about Ted and my encouragement of his suicide...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-04 19:57:25

So many Chris's, all wearing Kris Kross jackets back to front. Everybody is cross with this behaviour. Everyone except Ted, who is now dead... But we did manage to recall his final dayz. Dazed and confused, reading every single Kindle book in existence.

http://nietzlawe.newgrounds.com/news/post/781730

Doomroar responds:

Kinda hard to forget his final days when we made the chimera with cameras for eyes to film his final days.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-04 21:50:53

The Last Breaths of Ted. All captured on film.

It's what he would have wanted. That, or a cure for his illness.

Robert Stack Sinister Narrator Voice: "... Even Ted's final days were plagued in mystery. Some say that he committed suicide, but as this quote from a close says, 'he's not the suicidal type.' Then there were rumours he had cancer. Yet a man named Doomroar swears he pushed a man by the name of Ted off the top of a building."

Doomroar: "Honestly! It happened. I remembered pushing him, just to shut Chris up. He kept laughing and I wanted to wipe that smile off his face."
Interviewer: "Are you certain the man you pushed off the roof was the Original Ted?"
Doomroar: "Original ted?! You're telling me there are two Teds?"

http://www.greanvillepost.com/2015/08/01/a-tale-of-two-teds-the-strange-case-of-ted-nugent-2/

Dum Dum Dummmmm!!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vcURY4wDCGQ

Doomroar responds:

Well seems like i will have to push another Ted from another building them, man this is hard work.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-05 02:57:02

Ted II : The Sequel... and this time it's personal.

"C'mon guys, back to work. Let's get another Ted found so we can plant him on the edge of a building."

No Ted in the world is safe anymore. The hunted have become the hunTED.

Doomroar responds:

We will TEDiously hunt all the teds, until every last one of them ends decapitaTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-05 19:32:00

WANTED!

TED or alive.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-05 19:47:10

Actually no, not WAN TED.

TWOTEDS!

TEDS or alive.

REWARD : 60,000 dollars. 30 grand per Ted.

Doomroar responds:

Bring all the teds, we don't care if you have to paint the whole town red with their blood, we want that town painTED!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-05 20:23:07

The whole place is tainTED with their blood. One eyewitness fainTED.

Doomroar responds:

Only one? man they need to do their jobs better, is like they were not trained at all, this is not what i expecTED!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-05 23:54:34

The eyewitness was called Ted, which was unexpecTED.

Doomroar responds:

What the eyewitness was called Ted? that's one of our targets! how the hell did it go undetecTED!?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-06 00:29:49

And why did he have unprotecTED sex with a woman? Now she's pregnant with his son.

And the son is called Ted.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-06 00:31:24

What if Newborn Ted is really Original Ted, but reincarnated?

If true, I may have to write another blog entitled Ted's First Dayz.

Doomroar responds:

Don't worry we will kill him and the mother too, just to make sure, he will be exterminaTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-06 17:15:11

And then we will have to play this song at their funeral:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xFMdgm_2_EU

(Updated ) Doomroar responds:

Wow we gave them such a nice funeral, i don't think they deserve it, this whole occasion was totally unwarranTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-06 18:29:53

Chris was furious.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-06 18:33:41

Chris wasn't just furious. He was infuriaTED.

Doomroar responds:

He was now? well... to solve this, looks like he will have to be sedaTED, and by that i mean we will have to kill Chris if he wants to get in the way.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-06 23:57:41

The only way we are allowed to kill Chris is by pushing him off the edge of a roof. The hard part is luring him up there. This could be complicaTED.

Doomroar responds:

We can try various things, kidnap his family, lure him into a roof party, tell him there's a social event in an hotel roof, trick him into a movie deal, etc. There are various ways to get this compleTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-07 00:36:03

Everybody hates... it when Chris doesn't go on the roof. He is fast becoming an haTED man.

Doomroar responds:

Before this we were doing it because we could, and we can, and because he was getting in the way.

But now it is personal, feelings are starting to get involved on this, hate is starting to become a factor, what an inconvenience from such a petite reason and a lack of control, is time to change plans is clear we kidnapped and killed his family for nothing, is time to do the same and kidnap Chris then throw him to his death, before Ted gets more allies, they all must be defeaTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-07 03:01:44

The War on Chris must be brought to it's shocking conclusion in one of the most dramatic kidnappings seen in recent history. But Chris was a smart man, he knew that people were on to him, he had witnessed too many Ted catastrophes. He knew he would be next in line for the plunge, and so went into hiding.

The problem is that while we were looking for Chris, more and more Ted's were being left to respawn. The Ted Militia was on the rise. They must be annihilaTED.

Doomroar responds:

Did our army got disconnecTED or something?
When did we put all our resources into hunting Chris?
Anyway, one too many failures in these protocols, can't wait for Chris and his family to be reuniTED (in death).
Seems like it has come to this, with so many Teds we will have to carpet bomb the whole thing, this whole place will get blasTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-08 02:19:40

Oh yeah, we sent our entire platoon into finding Chris. It was too late to go back and fight Regen TED and his army which were being regeneraTED by the minute.

Our only hope now is to initiate the carpet bombing as planning, then send in our secret weapon Chris P. Bacon to take care of the rest of the Teds.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMA3x-bc8iM

Doomroar responds:

(Man i don't see what's so funny about a pig on wheels visiting kids)

We can't send P. Bacon as he is now, we need to pimp him up, give him an upgrade, get him with the times, those wheels? gone! we will go crazy on him! brand new ion propellers! the kind NASA hasn't even put on production yet! he will be needing some miniguns, missiles, a flamethrower, and no armed pig is compete without lasers and a high end recognizance system.

By now this is overkill, and i agree, but i just felt like allowing agent P. Bacon to have some fun, and after he gets his fun, Ted and all his supporters will be disintegraTED.


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2015-11-08 16:26:20

... You two's conversation confuses.

Doomroar responds:

Don't worry maybe one day you will be illuminaTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-12 15:30:58

We need to get Chris P. Bacon upgraTED.

Upgrated? There isn't such a word as upgrated. I smell me an error in the system, a yarn in the hay, a gremlin in the air vent. Ted has gone, and he's taken Chris P. Bacon with him.

He is planning to make a new prototype Chris P. Bacon called Chris P. Bakes Em. Bakes what!? Cookies!? Living humans!!? Who is this mysterious Chris P. We don't even know what the P stands for.

Doomroar responds:

It stands for: Please-try-to-use-a-word-that-ends-in-ted-next-time-or-the-story-cant-be-compleTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-12 17:55:40

So many words hyphenaTED, I almost hyperventilaTED.

Doomroar responds:

Wow-didn't-knew-you-were-so-sensible-to-hypens-,-i-will-make-sure-next-time-to-use-considerably-less-hypens-but-next-time-is-not-this-time-next-time-is-the-time-after-this-time-or-should-i-use-occasion-instead-of-time-?-well-in-the-next-occasion-,-meaning-the-comment-after-this-comment-,-but-that-occasion-or-time-refers-not-to-your-comment-which-is-the-comment-after-this-comment-but-rather-to-my-comment-in-reply-to-the-reply-of-this-comment-which-will-be-in-turn--my-next-comment-after-this-comment-;-i-however-assure-you-that-the-use-of-all-these-hypens-was-not-maliciously-deliberaTED-.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-13 09:28:56

Hi Phen, how are you doing?

Phen: "I'm fine. And you?"
Nietzlawe: "Yeah, I'm well. Never felt better to be honest."
Phen: "Not me. I've been overworked today and used inappropriately. I'm only supposed to go between certain words, but my owner deems it necessary to use me whenever he damn well feels like it. It's not fair, I'm putting in a complaint."

Phen soon regretTED it.

Doomroar responds:

Ah what a pity, i would have keep overusing Phen, but i did promise that i would not do it next time, meaning this time, but maybe i do next time, meaning the time after this time, well until then, lets hope Phen doesn't becomes exhausTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-13 19:01:13

Let's hope he doesn't have his nuts roasTED over an open fire and toasTED. Otherwise the incident will have to be reporTED.

Doomroar responds:

Oh by then Phen will have to be cremaTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-14 10:59:48

And his ashes scattered on the cultivaTED fields of Simon da Motivator da Second.

Doomroar responds:

Man, if that happens i don't think Simon will be able to get his fields harvesTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-14 19:26:02

Simon's resolve is being tesTED.

Doomroar responds:

Good thing Simon is extremely motivaTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-16 14:46:25

MotivaTED but secretly infuriaTED.

Doomroar responds:

He now wants to be compensaTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-17 20:44:39

And his interest rates have just inflaTED.

Doomroar responds:

Suspicious, almost like... this whole event being coordinaTED before hand!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-18 18:03:01

Everything was premeditaTED. Piman had waiTED long for this opportunity. This loophole, this flaw in the system, this crack in the wall.

And Piman was no longer constipaTED.

Doomroar responds:

He was getting Schwifty: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1188GO4p1E

By the moment he finished the floor was totally wasTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-20 16:26:38

People didn't think it was Ted that was wasTED, but it was! He was wearing a Piman costume that must have cost him dearly. Literally.

Performing the Schwifty dance while wearing the heavy Piman costume was too much for Ted to take. And he collapsed and fell into a deep coma. He was kept on the life support machine for two years, but still, no sign of consciousness.

Ted's brain had been seriously affecTED from the fall. Would he awaken? Would he ever recover his old life? Will Ted ever be the same again?!?!?!

Find out next time!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=geg_-91J4Gk

Doomroar responds:

Really? i can't believe that he goes and gets Schwifty, shits on the floor wearing a Piman costume, collapses, enters a coma, has to live on life support, and yet we haven't been able to kill him, is painfully obvious that Ted will survive this, there's like a million of them out there anyways, a whole army of Teds, just one comatose Ted means nothing, there's no suspense to this, no thrill, no expectations, i am quite disappoinTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-21 22:46:14

Strange Voice: "Tedddd!! Wake up!!!"
Ted: *no life*
Strange Voice: "Ted! You really need to open your eyes!! Please! Wake up!!"
Ted: *no life*
Strange Voice: "You have work to do! We need you to get out of this coma!"
Ted: *no life*
Strange Voice: "Tedddd!!!! The world is in chaos, we can't do this without y...."
Ted: "For fuck sake! You don't give up do you, I was trying to get some sleep here!"
Strange Voice: "T-t-Ted! You're alive!!"
Ted: "Of course I'm a-fucking live... Why the hell did you wake me up? What the fuck did you need me for?"
Strange Voice: "Er... I can't remember now...."

*Awkward coughs*

Doomroar responds:

What a turn of events he is alive!


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2015-11-25 00:26:59

Gorepete released a new game, and I got a laptop (not for sure if I'll be able to keep it), it's a good day for me. ^^

Doomroar responds:

Yeah quite a good game, but it demands a lot of time to level up your monsters and get the runes etc.
But as always great gameplay.

Take care of the laptop now.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-25 09:29:53

He is not only alive, but is also planning an exclusive new interview for TEDtalk.

Doomroar responds:

A TEDtalk, with Ted, talking about Ted, how TEDious.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-26 10:16:42

Ted talking about how he was ressurrecTED from the dead.

Doomroar responds:

But... he never died, he was just in a coma, the lying bastard! all the assistants to his presentation were essentially cheaTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-27 15:28:33

The world will be enchanted by his Ted Talks and his Ted Tales, especially his Ted Trauma which he suffered when he was unconscious. Interrogated by a domineering German psychologist in his sleep. Her name was Frau Traumann. The things she did with those rusty screwdrivers and power drills doesn't bear thinking about.......

... Fix wall panels! She was a DIY expert you see, with an emphasis on spurt. A real handywoman when it came to the ol' tenderloins. The ol' meatus and two veg if you know what I mean! Cough cough! Wink Wink!

Oh wait! That was my dream, not Ted's dream! It seems I have somehow had my memories transplanted into Ted's head. I am alive and well! I must tell the world of this miracle! I must arrange a Ted Talk to Tell the world my Tale of Trauma!

The newspaper headline:

Ted Walks to Ted Talk Studio for Exclusive Interview! He is no longer comatose, his toes are no longer in a coma!

Doomroar responds:

Wait, so you are inside Ted? well shit, now we can't kill Ted if things are like that.
Seems like Ted, or at least his body, has been protecTED.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-29 01:05:45

Ted is immune... I mean I'm mune.. I mean I'm Ted! Damn, I'm getting confused being inside Ted's body *not in a gay way* where the fusion is confusing in itself. I'm disoriented like dis Oriental man in the next bed *again, not in a gay way* of the hospital. I have been in a deep sleep for a very long time. Forced Hibernation the doctors called it. Who knows how many years Te.. I mean I, have lost. I've been in the dark so long, I have forgotten what the real world is like. But now I'm back, back to wreak positive havoc in Ted Form, instead of laying in my hospital hammock in Dead Form... Well not dead.. just resting my eyes...... For 12 fucking years!! Long fucking time to rest your eyes Nietz!! Nietz? Who is Nietz? The Nietz you know and love is gone! Gone I tells ya! And replaced with a brand new Ted Chip. A chip that has been implanted into my heart to prevent it's removal. I am now Ted 4 Life. Like Tedz Thugs 4 Life man. Nietz had his memory wiped, it was written over with some Rick Roll music or something... Man, my brain is addled, leaving me saddled with extreme mental problems that can't be cured. Ted has got a lot of explaining to do when he comes back to his body. I can't look after his house forever, I've got my own life to live dammit!

Doomroar responds:

Wow seems like you 2 will be together til death do you apart, is like you are married *but not in a gay way*.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-29 18:56:24

That's the irony of the Ted Talk. It might be his body, but he wont be doing any of the talking. He is just paying lip service, he is only there in physical form. But it is me that has to deal with the intense questioning. It is me that has to field off the any gay Ted rumours.

It's like some kind of 'talk to the Nietz, coz the Ted ain't listening' type shit.

Doomroar responds:

Well such is life when you are deep inside the body of another man, not that i would know... and of course *not in a gay way*.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-11-30 01:45:46

It would get even more twisted if in this relationship, he pulled his cock down under between his own legs and tried to fuck himself.

Scary shit. I think I preferred my life as comatose Ted.

Doomroar responds:

Wait, technically, wouldn't the one doing that be you? since you are in control of the body and all that...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-12-01 01:02:50

You're right, he who controls the mind, controls the body. That's it, I've had enough, I'm going to see Clive Mongrel, see if he can perform an operation split. Either that, or go and see Cassandra and Sir John and get the crowl jewels removed.

Something needs to be done. I can't stand being Ted.

Doomroar responds:

So... you don't feel it being weird, to use someone else body, in order to experience castration?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-12-01 21:22:09

Really weird, considering that Ted has golem-size testicles that are swollen and if I don't discharge some juice in time, it's like I'm Santa having to carry two heavy sacks.

Doomroar responds:

not in a gay way?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2015-12-01 21:54:58

It's not gay!! I'm being forced against my will... or should I say... forced against my willy... Well it's not really my willy.

(Updated ) Doomroar responds:

So... you are being forced against someone else willy...

I mean, damn, i really didn't thought this could be possible, but this one story, has become several magnitudes more gay, than the one with the giant tranny in a boobtube named TWO.