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TWO Shades of Gay.
Come on, this is low quality content, but not THAT bad.
Low quality cocktent... I mean content. And you're right, it's not that Brad... I mean bad!
Yeah but it is getting there.
Brad Cocktent. Is it possible to even have a camper name than that. Literally.
He was cursed with perpetual morning wood.
It must have happened during the SCI-I Incident.
I am under the impression that the SCI-I Incident never happened, because we went from one unique survivor, to 2 survivors, to 3, and now it seems like everyone their grandma and their dog survived that damn incident, for real, what does it takes for anyone to die on this story?
You know what, fuck it, the SCI-I Incident was just a ice cream party, and nothing special really happened on it, people just like to talk about as if it were special to generate artificial hype on the people that could not go.
You are right man. It is like the SCI-I has become some kind of commercial bandwagon and everybody wants a piece of the action. A lot of people seem to be using it to further their careers. Surviving the SCI-I Incident seems to give them some kind of credibility.
Maybe the SCI-I was just some urban legend which over time, got more and more twisted, with more and more rumours added as the years ticked by, like the Bible or chupacabra.
Oh man so not even an ice cream party, the whole thing, never, ever happened to begin with, just like the Bible or chupacabra.
The whole SCI-I was just an elaborate hoax. Yet the people who orchestrated this hoax took the time to have their own little ice cream party.
Well now that's some lame development this took.
That is until at the party, one of the men whispers to one of the guests.. "psst! Wanna know what happens when an Unstoppable Force meets an Immovable Object?"
The man smiled creepily and introduced himself... "The name's Tom. Midget Tom."
The man was too frightened to respond, as he froze, the blob of ice cream suddenly fell off the end of it's cone onto the floor.
A Midget Called Tom: "Yeah, they tell you that the SCI-I Incident never occurred. But those people are idiots. Not only did it occur, but it left over a hundred people with serious life changing disabilities, disorders and anomali..."
Dr. Seuss Hobbs: "Thomas! Stop trying to scare our guests."
Look what this has unleashed, now i had to go and update our abandoned wiki!
I'd like to think that the SCI-I was real. As real as the people and cases on Judge Judy.
But nothing is certain in our extraordinary tale of unsettling mystery, unflinching brutality, horrific mutilation, and... laughter!
Bullshit, by now it is certain that death carries no consequences since apparently people can't die on this story, for real how does hell even gets a population if people never go there...
Maybe this place 'is' hell. People don't die because they are already in hell, all you can really do is die over and over again, respawning. Maybe The Castle Crashers Song is the only slice of heaven in a world gone mad.
That can't be, then what's the name of the place where the Daemon Dog lives?
The Hell Kennel?
And why is Satan the Pimp also in a kennel?
Because that's where he keeps all his bitches.
Well played dog.
A deamon of semen jerking his penis on beavers with three squirts flying from meatus.
Shouldn't it be a daemon?
A deamon full of semen jerking his daemon tool on beavers with three squirts from meatus.
Well shit, it still sounds horrible.
Sounds wonderful honestly :V.
Have you visualized it? it is a nightmare of nightmares!
I mean, it doesn't look that bad, I've seen worse.
Worse than a deamon full of semen jerking his daemon tool on beavers with three squirts from meatus?
You have been hanging way too much on furaffinity.
Pfft, i only hang there for commissions, which I've yet too do... huh... anywho, yeah, a daemon jerking his jiant, semen filled meet isnt gross, unless you got a few Candiru swimming around in the mix, then i might vom.
You forgot the part where he does all that on beavers with three squirts from meatus...
A new documentary called When Meatus Met Fetus.
We have been in a lot of lows, and to think that hardcore child molestation is a new one.
It's just a more dysfunctional and horrifying version of When Harry Met Sally.
So that's what they call it now, "When Harry Met Sally"? oh man so those When Harry Met Sally, bootleg movies you see being sold on the streets... they are all... "those" kind of movies... to think i still had some innocence left in me to be lost, tarnished, and ruined.
It was the best of times! It was the worst of times!
Said the eternal optimist. He who seeks to earn enough Optimism Points to buy an Oculus Rift, not really giving a shit about the rift it would cause in his family.
Wife: "You spend so much fucking time using that Oculus Rift! It's like we don't even communicate anymore!"
Husband: "Damn, the wife is even nagging me in my virtual hallucinations now!"
He needs to buy his wife an Oculus Rift, no other way for him to be left alone, unless they finally decide to go for that divorce....
In virtual reality, nobody can hear you scream...
... With happiness at receiving those divorce papers!
Oh man it is happening! aren't you glad?
Of course, it can't hear my question, while connected to the machine... this would be a great moment to prank him by hiding his divorce papers before they sign them.
He is being Punk'd. But they can't film the episode because he is just too damn distracted. He has food delivered to his stomach via Oculus Prime. He has been sat in the same chair for 17 years.
"Michael?! We have hidden your divorce papers!!!!"
Michael: *really strange incoherent drooling sounds*
It sounded a little something like this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4vpBw3pf58
Merry Christmas man!
Yeah happy Kwanzaa.
Groangasm. I just ended up humming out fast freestyles while listening to that. Maybe Michael is doing the same thing.
Don't we all?
Merry Jesus's birthday.
He was actually born mid year, but the church adapted the pagan Holiday of the solstice celebrations, into what we know today as Christmas.
But yeah happy consumerism day! i know i enjoyed it.
I wonder what Santa has got in his sack?
"Semen, like every other man you idiot!"
Merry X-Rated Mas, man.
I am glad that guy never visits, i wouldn't him cumming over here.
And a merry X-Rated Mas, to you too man.
Is that why we put trees in our houses?
Na that comes from somewhere else, one thing is Christmas when Christ is the center, and another is Christmas when Santa is the center.
The one with Saint Nicolas is the one with the trees.
I wonder why no one wants to bring up Krumpus, what he ever do wrong, besides beat up children.
He also kills them and eats them sometimes.
Even more reason to have him.
The world no longer needs Krampus, he became obsolete after 1900, and in comparison to reality he is just an amateur:
The last thing you need is Santa cumming down your chimney.
WARNING: If you have been affected by Santa cumming down your chimney this Christmas. Please contact our Care Hotline on 0539 349 3950. All calls are held within the strictest confidentiality.
Well it is physically impossible for Santa to cum down my chimney, because we don't have a chimney.
Neither will in a future if these damn heat waves keep going, i am so glad Santa is not known for cumming down AC.
No chimneys, but plenty of Mitt Romneys into Tai Chi. Can't wait to get his greasy mitts on the ol' Chimney Tea. You just sit in a living room, hold a cup at the chimney and wait for it to be filled up. It's the best tea in the house. Literally...
Unless you don't have a chimney, in which case you don't get to sample the... er...... sample. Sample soup is so simple to make and there is ample for all.
Chimney iced tea. Perfect for keeping cool during those heat waves. Unless you don't have a chimney, in which case, you'll have to go outside and climb the roof and get kicked in the face by reindeer hooves and be forced to get ya groove on or summin'.
So in other words, i am safe as long as i don't climb to the roof, in which case not only Santa but also his damn reindeers will go and get groovy on my ass, and give me a load of sample sop and chimney tea?
Looks like i wont be getting near any roofs from now on.
We will get you on the roof! Even if we have to use roofies soup.
Never, i will burn all the roofs, i will scorch them! to the point that this will be my theme song:https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ChmUC0OysoU
Damn, Columbia is a child murder paradise.
Now i am wondering if that phrase can become a slogan.
Burn the roofs, burn the hooves!
Walk in the bar, turn over the tables
Shoot out the windows
Trash all the streets and smash the hydrants
Tear down the flyers
And watch these fires burnnnnnn!
Pyromania for the fucking win!
It would have to be a slogan for Coffee.
The main-crop and most popular product of columbia is cocaine not coffee, get your facts right.
The fires put an end to Chimney Soup, which now had to be sold on the Black Market for extravagant prices.
The Pyromaniac was laughing and muttered as he stored his flamethrower back in the garage.
"Hee hee hee. Same time next year!"
And that's how X-Rated Mas was canceled.
Folgar's brand cocaine, straight from Columbia, damn there's alot of child murder there.-
... Eh, could use some work, mayne ad a Christmas jingle to it.
Wow man, that slogan sucks so damn much that prostitutes worldwide became unemployed.
Also people stopped buying cocaine, which goes to show how much it sucked, since cocaine practically sells itself.
When X-Rated Mas was cancelled, there were X-Rated Mass shootings by people who were frustrated. Frustrated that TFM (the flamethrower man) had still not been caught. He had terrorised roofs and hooves in recent times. If people wanted their Chimney Jiz.. I mean soup, they would have to pay a premium, a private premium for semen stored in the privates of deviants.
Somme Say that the Golem with swollen testicles was single-handedly keeping the Chimney Soup in operation on the Black Market.
The Chime bells certainly were ringing!
Man i didn't see that one cumming!
Well I don't see you coming up with ideas.
"Want to feel the rush of killing a child without actually killing a child? Well columbian cocaine has your back! tested by real serial child murderers, we guarantee it feels exactly the same!"-
You didn't see it cumming, and neither did the blind hooker before she took one in the eye.
Well at least she could feel it cumming, the hooker in a coma didn't even feel it cumming.
Perfect, now I have the best slogan for my new business.
Such originality a drug business, well at least it is cocaine and not methamphetamine, that way people can't say breaking bad was your source of inspiration.
Damn, so now one hooker in a coma, and the other hooker has glaucoma.
And the third one got sarcoma, he went and cum all over her...
Three hookers in different forms of coma. This has the hallmarks of a serial killing Hallmark Channel documentary.
The new show to cum all over Netflix and chill.
Seems more like a cockumentary than a documentary.
With cockmmentary straight from the perpetrators, i mean the director.
Making this Cockmentary was 'hard' but somehow, the diErector managed to 'pull things' in the right direction. 'Floods' of people 'came' to see this movie, it had 'aroused' their interest greatly. Not only did they want to listen to the cockmmentary.
But they also want a 'personal interview' with the diErector.
And the diErector was...
*curtains slowly open*
"B-b-b.. it can't be!! M-martin Demise!!"
Martin Demise: "It's been a long time, Billy. A long time."
Wow he actually managed to finish something?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
People wondered if he had changed the error of his ways. The build-up to the release of the new film had been eagerly anticipated. The rumours were swirling. People were saying that this was the one... The first finished Martin Demise Production, so the people flocked to the cinemas. They wanted to be there to be a part of history.
Martina Demise had reprised her role in Cold Alcohol 4. The omens were looking good for a brilliant movie. Until suddenly, 20 minutes in...
A Power Cut! But was this one of Martin's mind games, or was this truly a Power Cut of the Mind, Body and Soul? A psychological breakdown from the audience because they had been conditioned so long into seeing unfinished Martin Demise films!
Well that explains why so many people wanted to have a 'personal interview' with the diErector.
If I was selling methinphedemine, I'd make a killing where I live, I have people calling me I've never heard of asking for some.
Oh they all want some piece of that shit, that's for sure.
And by 'personal interview' they mean 'lynching.' This was one step too far, even by Martin Demise's standards. His pranks had crescended into utter chaos.
Luckily for him, he had sneaked out of the back door and was now on the run. Fearing for his life, he ran down an alley and found a small factory window half-broken. He cracked the rest of the glass out of the pane and crawled inside. Spying a dirty old mattress surrounded by discarded tissues and drug needles.
Opening his rucksack, he pulled out a bottle of whisky. His sat down and thought about the future, his beard had seemed to grow long overnight. "What do I have to live for?" He muttered to himself. In a blind panic he picked up one of the hypodermic needles from off the floor, ready to give himself a lethal dose of whatever was inside it.
But before he could inject himself, his eyes spotted some writing on the side of the needle. The shock of what he saw made him drop the needle. And then he looked around and noticed the factory he was in! Suddenly, a faint tune began to play, and seconds later, a gas began to seep out through one of the ventilation shafts and Martin Demise passed out. Falling slumped on the mattress, bottle of whisky rolling across the floor.
That bottle of whisky was the coldest he ever had, Martina Demise had done it, she tricked her brother into taking part on a finished production, Cold Alcohol 5 featuring Martin Demise!
Feel dat twist.
It had taken everybody behind the scenes to set Martin up. Even his friends and family were part of the plan to get revenge.
Martin was completely unaware that for the next 2 hours, the cameras were filming him. No matter where he went, the whole city had been turned into a movie set. His only chance of winning was to somehow escape from the city before 2 hours had passed. He had to somehow interrupt the film from being completed. But seeing as he was the star of the show, he couldn't halt proceedings.
For the first time in his life, Martin was out of control. The control freak was being controlled. And not to mention, he was also laying drunk in a dusty warehouse surrounded by filth.
Maybe this was it. The Demise of Martin!
And that's how Cold Alcohol 5 became one of the most publicly acclaimed movies of all times, by documenting the final moments of Martin Demise, in a finished film, the final iteration of the pentalogy of Cold Alcohol managed to make Martina Demise into one of the most famous and seek after directors that the film industry ever had, and all it took was the use and abuse of her irresponsible brother.
Damn, Martina Demise turning into the cold-hearted, vindictive, genius she was always destined to be. Leaving Martin Demise to rot in the gutter. The feeling of resentment inevitably festered in him once he had realised he had been played like a guitarron.
A guitar that had actually belonged to Ron.
That was it, that fateful day at that mockery of a funeral with the whole of the Demise family reunited, it was there that a particular midget made contact with Martina and concocted the machinations for this spectacular movie.
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