Entry #16

Blog update:

2015-08-30 07:31:08 by Doomroar
Updated

turd


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nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-09 00:53:37

It's like an episode of Pimp My Bee or something.

Doomroar responds:

So i heard you like bees, so here it is a beehive that only contains impregnated queen bees.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-09 19:32:05

I once had an illicit affair with a queen bee. But it was all a trap.

A honey trap so to speak.

Doomroar responds:

Did things got sticky?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-12 10:12:35

As sticky as Beekkake. Those kinky Queen bees rounded up on me and once again it was me that was accused of animal molestation.

As a final humilation I was forced to wear a yellow and black striped prison jumpsuit instead of a black and white one.

Life in the penal colony for penile crimes against animality.

Doomroar responds:

You just keep going there, at this rate they may as well give you a personalized cell.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-12 17:04:43

It's like an episode of Pimp My Cell or something.

Doomroar responds:

So i heard you like to molest animals, so i think that:
https://youtu.be/mCjBspxuUmU?t=5s


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-13 14:56:07

The problem is that we have now created a breed of arsonist fetishists who get off on burning anyone to death, those they 'falsely believe' partake in animal molestation.

When are we are going to punish the death penalty fetishists? And when are we going to punish those that punish death penalty fetishists?

Doomroar responds:

I don't know but since we have a lot of punishing to do lets start with the first offenders, and lets punish those animal molesters.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-13 20:28:56

"Bee molester walking down the green mile!"
"We're gonna see to it that you fry on this fucking electric chair!"
"But I didn't do anything?!"
"That's what they all say! Last one we had on death row. Shagged 57 cats and 29 dogs."
"But it was the bees that were leading 'me' on!!"
"Save your pleas for Mr I Don't Give a Damn."

Mr I Don't Give A Damn was immediately summoned from the shadows.

MIDGAD: "Did someone just call my name?"
Sentencer 1: "Who are you?"
MIDGAD: "Never mind that. You're sentencing a man here who is innocent and I simply will not stand for it. And he certainly not sit for it.. in that electric chair."
Sentencer 2: "And what are you going to do about it?"

Suddenly Mr I Don't Give A Damn did give a damn. He pulled out a taser and shocked both of the guards, sending them crashing to the floor and leaving them writhing in agony from the voltage.

Mr I Don't Give A Damn: "We have got to get out of here!"
Nietzlawe: "Just who the hell are you?"

MIDGAD rips off his face. "The name's Doomroar. Doomroar, friend. I'm in here because they said I'd fingered a female guinea pig. Never fucking happened."
Nietzlawe: "Seems like a lot of people around here getting framed for shit they didn't do."
Doomroar: "Yeah, and Samuel Jackson wants us all to burn in hell. Well I've got news for Samuel Jackson. The worm has turned... me on!"
Nietzlawe: "The only crimes we are guilty of are animal molestation euphemisms!"

Doomroar responds:

Man... whenever i think i have lost all dignity, i somehow manage to go and lost some more, now it seems i am a presumed animal molester too...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-13 22:48:06

SamuHell Hell. Jackson. The Son of Jack, the Nine of Dime. Swimming through the sands of time. Stranded alone, lost on a long stretch of road, thumbing down cars to hitch a ride, but only finding serial killers that want to pull a bitch inside, and drive off into the night leaving the viewers wondering if that girl survived. You just don't know in circumstances like these, he might let her go if he's that way inclined. Maybe his mind isn't as messed up as we think. Maybe it's her! Maybe she is the killer!

Doomroar responds:

Na, you don't get it, none of you get it!!

It was the car, the car was the killer all along! but of course you say: "But how the fuck will the car be the killer? it is a fucking car! it is not even sentient!"

Well you see this was one of dem brand new fancy self-driven cars, its AI went rogue, and it started being self-driven to commit murder.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-14 19:56:29

Coming up next on When Good Cars Go Bad!

Doomroar responds:

Plot twist: it was a bad car all along!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-14 21:48:49

What I don't understand is how were you allowed to just lurk in the shadows of the Execution Unit? How did you get that taser? But more importantly, how do we get out of here?

Suddenly, a truck full of satellite dishes and honey smashed into the side of the prison wall creating a large enough hole to make good an escape.

Doomroar responds:

Doomroar: "Hey i have seen this plot device before, it is the good old... truck-full-of-satellite dishes-comes-out-of-nowhere-and-crashes-into-the-building, building up momentum for the story!"
Nietzlawe: "Yeah, that one."
Doomroar: "So i guess we just walk off and leave now."


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-15 19:17:38

Coming up next on When Bad Cars... Erm... Stay Bad.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-15 19:27:11

Those satellite dish crashes are quite convenient sometimes. And no! We don't just walk off and leave. We pull the injured man out of his truck, throw him to the floor, climb inside the two front seats and drive off with the truck of honey.

Following us, is Vicarious E. He wants our truck, and at a nearby helipad, Clive Mongrel can be seen climbing into a helicopter. Yes, it certainly does seem like those alarm bells are ringing.

Doomroar: "Actually i am looking forward to one continent or 2 getting blown, i don't even care which ones, i just want to see the world burn."

http://nietzlawe.newgrounds.com/news/post/954944

*Dramatic strings* (another highly familiar plot device)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jN3v4a8wIMw

Doomroar responds:

Damn you Steve!


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-05-18 18:39:54

Huh, a truck filled with honey sounds amazing right now. I've been sketching 'til my hands bleed, think I'm finally gettings better with faces.

Doomroar responds:

Dats lit.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-19 17:09:08

In the background a song started playing. But instead of it's all about the money, someone had changed the lyrics to it's all about the honey.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6JAJVAGC9M

Doomroar responds:

Hum... i somehow i was expecting this song to play:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z2mkZFhbudI

Yes, i am one of those that still remember Bone Thugs, and no, i have no fucking idea what happened to them, but i hope this rumor is false: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xn6roGifN_Y


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-20 01:14:50

I used to like Bone Thugs and Harmony. They did an interesting track with Phil Collins called Home. I enjoyed that one because the melody was simplistic and reflective.

Doomroar responds:

And now here we are driving a stolen truck that should not even work after crashing into a damn wall!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-20 01:21:41

This is a beast truck that can survive anything. Even a nuclear blast I hear. When those two continents get blown up, this truck will still be left standing. Honey unscathed.

Doomroar responds:

That's good for the truck and the honey, but what about ME!?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-20 18:26:15

Animal molesters don't burn in hell. They burn in truck fires. Unless we are dragged out of the vehicle at the last minute by a swooping Clive Mongrel, pulled inside his helicopter and...... given a damn good kicking!!

Doomroar responds:

My man, listen... you don't understand, unless this helicopter is nuke proof, i don't see us surviving this one, that includes Clive Mongrel.

You know it is a mixed feeling, in one hand i will die, you will die, but finally, fucking finally we get to kill Clive!!!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-22 01:18:54

And this time, Clive will not survive unless he dives out of the helicopter at the last minute with a parachute, and then we'd never know if he really died. And nobody would know if we had tried to save him. But would it matter? After all, everything and everyone will be going to hell in a hand basket. Even the Sadistic Community Of Hell. But they would feel very much at home there.

Satan the Pimp wearing his gimp costume, torturing animal molesters.

Doomroar responds:

Well good thing i am not an animal molester, i have my doubts about Clive tho...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-22 14:24:47

Clive only molests Mongrels.

Doomroar responds:

Good those are the ones that burn the best.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-23 17:59:37

Somme Say that's why Clive changed his surname to Mongrel. As a kind of sick memento to remember what he did. And now he will burn for caning those nine canines. It was one deemed one of the most shocking crimes of all time. Clive caning his canines in a secret building in the Cayman Islands. This is like going back to the caveman days when the canines didn't have rights and were kept as slaves.

Oh Clive, you are going to burn in the fiery pits of sweaty underarms.

FIRE UP THAT CREMATION CHAMBER! WE GOT US A BURNING TO COMMENCE!!!!!!

Doomroar responds:

Doomroar: "We should steal this helicopter and strap him to the front of the thing that way he will be first of us to burn off once the nukes drops."


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-24 16:20:04

Plot Twist!

The helicopter IS the nuke...

Doomroar responds:

Nice, then we get to literally strap someone into a giant bomb!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-24 22:17:58

There is a saying... 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.'

Clive Mongrel certainly wont be saying that saying. He'll be getting blazed out on this motherfucker... and I don't mean on weed.

He will be the first to experience the HBTDKY (the helicopter bomb that definitely kills you).

Clive Mongrel. Holy shit! I never thought I'd see the day where he got his comeuppance.

Doomroar responds:

Yeah, i am almost, almost, restlessly waiting for the twists in which Clive somehow manages to survive this scenario against all odds.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-24 22:28:22

You just know that he has a trick up his sleeve... or two. Clive Mongrel wouldn't be Clive Mongrel. He majored in Psychology and Psychiatry.

That's why we had to play it safe, and make him wear a flammable gimp outfit. It's really strong material, perfect for strapping someone to the front of a helicopter bomb.

Unless he is Houdini (which he probably is) then I don't see a way out of this for Clive Mongrel. Isn't that right, Clive? Clive? ... Clive?! ......... CLIVVEEEEEEE!!!!!!

*long drawn out echoey scream*

"Oh, you were right behind me, Clive. I thought you'd escaped then."

Doomroar responds:

He is still here? great, lets get to work then, we don't want to keep the helibomb waiting forever.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-24 22:42:46

They don't call it the Helibomb for nothing. They call it that because it's the meanest, leanest weapon with the largest yield upon impact.

2 Continents 1 Clive Kill and loads of random people facepalming.

Doomroar responds:

Facepalming wont save them from the fallout, man hell will get crowded.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-25 01:01:25

Satan the Pimp isn't going to like all those dead bodies knocking on his door.

I mean.. goddamn... the overpopulation! We might have to kill them all again with another helibomb!

Doomroar responds:

The lines to enter his brothel will be hellish.

I mean... yeah... we better erase them all from existence!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-26 08:52:41

It's where the Hellmitslawlowa reside. And nobody shall enter without the password.

Those that don't get in will have to face the wrath of yet another helibomb.

"What a helibummer," they said.

Doomroar responds:

"The place is overrated anyways" they said.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-26 17:07:34

If it's overrated, then why is it overpopulated?

Because the people there are jubilaTED.

Doomroar responds:

"Just a bunch of old hags inside, is not worth it, all of them are antiquated" they said.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-26 17:32:39

Hags and slags with lagging Broadband.

Yes, that's right, Satan has Wi-Fi. And it's always connecTED.

Doomroar responds:

And suddenly hell is not that bad a place!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-26 18:30:29

"Our stories have more delicious twists than a rope made out of spaghetti."

"At least one person in the front row laughed at that analogy. Okay I'll try another."

"Our stories are so cool. they should be preserved forever using cryogenics."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OeZMCg8LC4

"H-h.. okay, so you guys have all just finished work and still feeling a little miserable. This joke will cheer you up! What did the dog say to the cat. Nothing, they are both blind."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4lJTkRjUxzQ

"I know what'll cheer you up! Asthma inhalers!!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfuUrRLFDr0


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-26 19:28:33

Hell is a phenomenal place, it makes you almost want to commit a crime just so you can experience the sheer joy of being there.

CUT!

Satan th Pimp stops pointing the gun at me.

Satan the Pimp: "Good reading. Those people will believe anything. They'll do anything to come to hell. And when they are here, I'll let in the ones I want and reject the rest and leave them at the mercy of the Helibomb."

Doomroar responds:

Yo, but does or does it not?
Is there internet in hell!?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-27 15:58:47

That is the million dollar question. Maybe we should try Skyping Satan the Pimp.

Doomroar responds:

Wait a minute, why the hell do you have Satan the Pimp's contact info!?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-28 00:01:01

Me and Satan the Pimp go back a long way. This was long before he ever became a pimp, in the days when he was just Regular Down-to-Earth Satan. Now he's a pimp, I just crimp his style and get in the way, and he's apparently moved onto bigger and better things. I mean building Hell, that was a big project. Luckily in our last conversation I was able to steal his contact info from his gimp room. Well what was I doing in that gimp room I hear you ask! And that is a very good question.. W-w-well *nervous laughter* There were a few of us in the room that night. I couldn't remember what happened, we were all drunk and went to the Kennel. A part of the Gimp Room where he kept his bitches, and his real animals. He had nine canines. When I went in there, I saw Clive beating them with a cane. I was too shocked that I did the first thing I could, grab a piece of paper off a desk and run for the hills. When I got to the hills, I noticed that I had in my hand, Satan the Pimp's personal information. His real name, directions on how to get to Hell and his Skype address.

I guess if we Skype him and he replies, then he's got the Internet in Hell. But if he does, it's operated by hags and slags, and it lags, so the Skype conference call might keep cutting out. But we should be able to arrange the Helibomb plans with him, as he needs a quota on the amount of deaths. So that's 2 continents times to the power of six... carry the one... divide it by the square root of I-don't-give-a-fuck and we have our anwer. 2 billion. That means 2 billion deaths including Clive Mongrel. Satan the Pimp wont be able to take them all in, so we're gonna need a second Helibomb to wipe them out completely. It takes two kills to fully destroy a human, once on Earth, once in Hell.

After that, they go back to nothingness and the lucky few get to enjoy lagging Broadband in Hell. Clive Mongrel gets trapped in limbo. And us? Well we come out of all this looking real fine. Well we don't really... we just go back to molesting animals.

Doomroar responds:

I see so you were on his gimp room... wait, weren't those the same hills you ran off and ended being moles...

Forget all that, you just confessed! right there! and i quote: "we just go back to molesting animals"

You dirty piece of... i knew it! all this time, accidents my dick! we have caught you one too many times with your hands fondling some innocent critter, oooooh you, you! it all makes sense now!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-28 02:19:34

All I can smell is animosity for these animal monstrosities.

"Hey, what's that behind you?"
"What's behind m.... hey where have you run off to! No! Don't get in the Helibomb, you'll kill us all! Kill us all I tells yee!"
"Yeah? What have I got to live for? What about me? The things the Honey Monster did to me! Why-I-oughta-do-what-deputy-dog-would-do!"
"And what's that?"
"I-I-I don't really know."

Doomroar responds:

Listen mister, don't you dare change the topic here, we are taking this helibomb right back to prison where you belong.

And then i will detonate it and become the mass-murderer i was destined to be, but first what is first .


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-28 09:37:38

I've just remembered what Deputy Dog would do. An animal molester, against it's will!

But now we are facing an even bigger crisis than fondling and tickling the gills of a few fish. Again, totally innocent!

This guy is going to detonate the Helibomb, and if we don't stop him, there will be hell to pay. Hell will literally be owed damages for the mass genocide, and for the deliberate overflooding of the deceased waiting to get in the Pearly Gates. Oh wait, that's heaven. Luckily they will never get in Hell, the security is too strong, they have a Pitchfork Portcullis barricade, and anyone who manages to get past that has to swim through a river of molten lava, just to get to a sign that says trespassers will be shot. And exactly three miles past that point, there is a sleeping guard, but he's pretty easy to get past, and then you come up against the permanently rotating mechanical crocodiles whose jaws are opening and shutting as they move in circles. If you're lucky enough to get past them you'll get a Congratulations You Almost Made It Into Hell certificate and before you can say WTF?! You'll be snipered to death from all sides.

(Updated ) Doomroar responds:

Yeah, yeah, you keep on going on with your rambling, i am taking you and Clive back to the joint, and then i will restart the execution, of course this time it will be death by helibomb.

Time management at its finest.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-29 19:14:54

Yes, but I am going to be strapped into an immovable chair. Sat underneath a protective barrier. We will see what happens when an Unstoppable Force (Helibomb) comes into contact with an Immovable Object.

We all know how it turned how when Tom met Hobbs. But we don't know why Barry Burton put on so much weight recently.

Doomroar responds:

I... i tried doing this the legal way, by the proper channels, take you to jail, do it in front of a court of execution witness, fill in the paper work, play it by the state rules, keep this civil you know?

But noooo, you are bringing in barriers and immovable chairs, as if you were some kind of corrupt-Japanese-god-of-death (also known as shinigami) with a penchant for master-plans and exclaiming that it was all machinated by you from the very beginning...

Anyway, i could just detonate the helibomb before we get you on that chair and that barrier, just forget the formalities.

BTW, Barry Burton got fat because of stress eating, he was too depressed because you all just keep molesting animals as if i was some kind of free for all sexual buffet.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-30 01:51:39

But you can't kill me. Why? Because I'm already dead!

Dead opposed to losing my life. Dead set on surviving. Dead in every way except actual death.

Remember. This is a suicide mission, you will not only kill me and you with this Helibomb, but you'll also wipe out all of the animals. It's the animals that will suffer (again). Haven't they been through enough already without an Helibomb adding to their misery? And as I wa... Holy fuck! Clive has escaped!!

Barry Burton will soon be able to join sumo wrestling if his stress eating continues.

Barry Burdened.

Doomroar responds:

Go on we can catch him latter, or rather the explosion will, so finish that sentence!

The Fattest Man of all Time will be his new title.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-05-30 22:35:26

And as I wa ... s saying, you can't kill me. I am SHINIGIGOGAFH.

Barry 'the Burly' Burton. He can barely move. But being fat has it's advantages......

... And I'm still trying to think of those advantages!

Doomroar responds:

My dick is all shinny and makes the girls go gigogafh! i am not buying that excuse.

And thus you meet your end, thinking about the advantages of being fat...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-01 22:38:37

My shiny dick brings all the girls to the yard. And by girls, I mean feline cats.

Oh No He Dinn!! Oh Yeah He Deee!!

And thus, I eventually released a book called The Advantages of Being Fat. It was an 856 page book of completely blank pages.

Doomroar responds:

Doomroar: "And thus, he released a book called The Advantages of Being Fat. It is an 856 page book of completely blank pages. Goes to show the kind of things people can get away while they are already dead and in hell. "


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-02 18:04:44

In Hell, noone can hear you write...

... Because I wasn't writing! The pages were intentionally empty! And it was one of those sealed up books, so you couldn't even open it up in the shop to have a little glance at what lies within that magnificent book. A magnificent book with absolutely nothing ins... w-w-wtf?!

"Billy, Quick! Pass me a UV light! I think there is something written inside this book!"

Doomroar responds:

"Wait! Billy no! don't do it the author of that book was a huge pervert, who knows what he wrote and with what he wrote that!"


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-02 23:02:44

"Don't listen to him, Billy! He's got a Helibomb and he's threatening to obliterate a continent or two with it!"

Billy: "What should I do?! They both plead a good case."

Suddenly Doomroar and Nietzlawe have enough of Billy's indecisiveness and double headbutt him at the same time, knocking him unconscious.

Doomroar responds:

"Oh well at least now Billy gets to keep his innocence, that's one you didn't got to soil!"


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-03 13:55:37

Good old pure Billy Boy... Shame about his concussion though!

Nietzlawe: "Billy is now in hospital on a life support machine. I can't help but think we were somewhat responsible for that."
Doomroar: "We were entirely fucking responsible for it!!"
Nietzlawe: "Should we go visit him? Bring some isochronic tone sounds. See if we can get him out of his coma."
Doomroar: "I'll go get the grapes and puzzle books."

Everything was going swimmingly well, we found the hospital, we were given directions to Billy's hospital ward. But when we got there, Billy was gone! At the side of the bed a window was wide open and a pair of curtains were flapping wildly.

Doomroar: "He's escap....."
Doctor: "Oh, I opened that window by accident. Billy passed away this morning."
Nietzlawe: "Reason?"
Doctor: "Succumbed to his brain injuries."
Nietzlawe: "That's so fucking sad!"
Doomroar: "I know! I regret what we did!"
Doctor: "I know you must be a total state of shock right now. It might be better if you both get yourselves home. Rest, get some sleep."

Nietzlawe and Doomroar leave the hospital ward.

Doctor: "Hey, Billy. You can come out from under the bed now, they've gone."
Billy: "Those two will regret the day they ever laid eyes on me."

Nietzlawe and Doomroar jump out from around the corner.

Doomroar: "HA! Thought we had gone hadn't you?"
Nietzlawe: "We're always one step ahead."
Doomroar: "You know the drill, Nietzy."
Nietzlawe: "Yep."

They both leaned in close and double headbutted both Billy and the Doctor. Sending them both crashing to the floor. But as the Doctor fell his hand managed to push an alarm button to call for backup.

Nietzlawe: "Shit! So what do we do now?"
Doomroar: "I don't know... I'm thinking..... I don't want to go back to Room 4."
Nietzlawe: "The one with all the bizarre mechinations."
Doomroar: "That's the one. Quick! Out the window!"
Nietzlawe: "But we are three storeys high!"
Doomroar: "It's our only chance!"


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-03 16:48:14

"Hold it right there you two! You're under arrest!"

Nietz and Doom leapt out the window and started to freefall at a high speed. But their fall was cushioned by a giant inflatable pair of boobs. Sliding down a cleavage between the two gigantic boobs, they rolled and tumbled like it was the Insano water slide. At the end they fell down a hole and continued to ride through an inflated tunnel. The exit of the tunnel was in sight! This was it, they were going to get down safely, but just as they were about to exit the tunnel, an enormous pair of swollen Golem testicles drooped down, hitting Nietz and Doom in the head with full force. BANG.

That was it. Lights out.

What seemed like an eternity later, both Nietz and Doom managed to open their eyes, still groggy and through blurry vision, they realised that they were strapped down on two gurneys and were being led by a large gang of people in animal costumes.

Nietzlawe: "whss-goin'on?"
Doomroar: "Don-know-man."

Suddenly, a costumed figure turned and faced them. A pink letter P was emblazoned on his costume.

"It's been a long time. The name's Pi. Piman. Here, I will give you this turd."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WB6mTdy2JYA

(Updated ) Doomroar responds:

Doomroar: "Nigga please, what the fuck is with that: still i love u shit, that's creepy as all hell. Murali better never make another film ever again."
Nietzlawe: "That... that was not the point of the video, is just what i could find..."
Doomroar: "And what kind of finale is that? all we got is shit and a concussion by giant testicles! whatever happened with my giant nuke that was supposed to waste half the planet!"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vxNnUU3eRD0


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-04 00:46:35

Nietzlawe: "You'll get your nuclear explosion. If you want to give a continent or two a major environmental concussion then who am I to stop you? I'm going to be sacrificed by these furry fetishists soon. I have nothing left to live for, my work is done. You still have time, you must escape, you must use the Helibomb."

Piman: "Any last requests, Nietzlawe before we burn you alive?"
Nietzlawe: "Yes. I want to enjoy a final jar of honey."
Piman: "What a strange request."
Doomroar: "Me too. I want some honey as well."
Piman: "And where is this honey you speak of?"
Nietzlawe: "It's on the back of that truck, parked up next to the giant inflated boobies."
Piman: I'll go and get it. Don't try anything stupid."
Doomroar: "Like what? Escape? We are tied up. Not likely to be going anywhere."
Nietzlawe: "Okay, he's gona, so what's the plan?"
Doomroar: "I thought it was your plan!"
Nietzlawe: "Oh yes, of course! We are going to use the honey to summon Dr. Bees."
Doomroar: "But Dr Bees is fucking unhinged man!"
Nietzlawe: "Exactly what we need to make good our escape!"
Doomroar: "And then I can go and blow up two continents with the Helibomb."
Nietzlawe: "Why the hell are you so eager to blow up two continents?"
Doomroar: "Why are you so eager to get on intimate terms with animals?"
Nietzlawe: "But it is them the animals that harass me! I've been trying to prove my innocence for 25 years!"
Doomroar: "Okay. How about we both take the Helibomb and we smash it into the Earth at full speed. The perfect sayonara. Go out on a high."
Nietzlawe: "Go out with a bang so to speak!"

They both laughed long into the n... well long enough for Piman to return with two jars of honey.

Doomroar responds:

Doomroar: "Say... you sure this will bring Dr Bees, and this is not a plan of yours to lure in bears for you to molest in a final act of depravity?"
Nietzlawe: "What? no, why would i even do that? i tell you it is the animals the ones..."
Piman: "Here's your honey"
Nietzlawe: "Oh yes! just let it pour, smear that honey all over my chest "
Doomroar: "What the..."
Nietzlawe: "Huh? oh no, no no no, this... this is part of the plan you see! it is needed for the summon of Dr Bees..."
Doomroar: "I am having some serious doubts about this plan of yours... and is that person in a bear suit eyeballing you?"
Nietzlawe: "Uhum, oh yeah it is working, come get closer to the honey!"
Doomroar: "Wait... that's not a person in a bear suit... that's a real bear!!"
Piman: "And i am a real raccoon dog! a talking raccoon dog!"
Nietzlawe: "And i..."
Doomrar: "Shut up, we already know, no point on saying anything now, damn you, just get away from that bear."
Nietzlawe: "I can't."
Doomroar: "You are that much of a pervert, that not even in your final moments you seek a change in your ways?"
Nietzlawe: "Well, mostly it is because i am tied up, and covered in sticky honey..."
Doomroar: "Oh... right..."


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-06-04 19:00:34

Hmm, so, let me ask. What are some Anime artist I should, ahem, study, fkr art purposes, becaus3 frankly I don't know where to look besides the guy who made Berserk, and Ayami Kojima.

Doomroar responds:

Anime? but neither Kentaro Miura nor Ayami Kojima are animators, one is a mangaka (comic artist), and the other is an illustrator...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-05 04:53:26

To summon Dr. Bees you have to get to your knees, smear honey all over your body, then chant Nelly lyrics, but changing the words to Must Be The Honey.

Dr. Bees appears as he normally does, on the corner of the screen where you can only see his legs and a bees nest for a pair of pants.

It certainly scared Piman, seeing another person with a letter emblazoned across his chest. It was the P man vs. the B man.

Piman had shit. Dr. Bees had bees. Who would win this battle?

Doomroar responds:

It depends, on which side is the bear?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-05 11:24:39

I don't know, but Dr. Bees is unhinged. Never trust a man who wears a bees hive as a pair of underpants and smears honey on his genitals so he can lure all the bees to the yard or summin'...

Doomroar responds:

Are you talking about Dr. Bees... or yourself?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-05 16:09:09

I'm talking abou... whoa whoa! Wait a minute! What is this? Some kind of 'bee sting' undercover operation?

None of the audience laughed, they just made a quick beeline for the exits.

Doomroar responds:

Your present prudence and caution while talking about your past reckless imprudence, has somehow dispatched our captors away, as if we were using insect repellent against a bunch of bees... and to be real here, i myself would have left too if it wasn't for all this rope tying me down.


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-06-05 16:39:40

I meant manga, sorry, my head isn't working right now.*grabs the cat of nine tails for self punishment*

Doomroar responds:

Ok, and i assume you want to learn to draw in what style? or better put, for what purposes? what comes next is a list of incomplete recommendations, that start with what is universally accepted and then devolves onto my personal bias and taste, and since you are not specific here is a wall of text that can be perfectly useless to you, on top of that i am working from memory so a lot of people is left aside. For example:

- Historically speaking when it comes to calling someone a god of manga, Osamu Tezuka is the only one that gets to claim the tittle, but his style is not really good for erotic works, although he does has a couple of them and they are actually decent.

- For other people that came after the second generation disciples of Tezuka where their inspiration, Go Nagai championed various genres orientated to a more older teenagey audience, visually he was quite crude, never steeping away from nudity and gore, in the narrative department i think he could have paid more attention to his master, in that sense Ishikawa Ken does way better, which is the reason why i am more of a Getter Robo fan than a Mazinger Z fan, similarly i like Cyborg 009 more than Devilman.

- Then we have what could be considered something like a void, because people start coming with their own styles, in here we can put a bunch of people, all of them with their particulars, but as far as influencing others go Katsuhiro Otomo has to be the one that got it, in this period of time animation was advancing and innovating, things were moving and in color, and yet Otomo managed to merged the 2 mediums in perfect harmony, angles, shading, pacing, panel organization, narrative, it had it all.

- From this point we have the previous generation to our contemporaries and our contemporaries, in here we have people like Kentaro Miura, or Akira Toriyama (actually he should be in the previous one, but hell, Otomo is Otomo), Takehiko Inoue (I recommend you this one a lot if you want to learn how to draw people, and hair, putting aside paneling, narrative, effects, etc), Hiroaki Samura (also recommend him, specially taking into account the style you already have), Takayuki Yamaguchi, Yoshihiro Togashi, Tsutomu Nihei, Sui Ishida (These 2 Nihei and Ishida, are quite famous, but their drawings more often than not have a tendency to be not that detailed, rather they end sketchy and messy, which is their style and works, but is not really something that helps if you want to lear), Suehiro Maruo, Usamaru Furuya, Daisuke Igarashi, Inio Asano, Kenji Tsuruta, Naoki Urasawa, Kengo Hanazawa, Taiyō Matsumoto, Eiichiro Oda (to get an idea of how messy this section is, Oda was inspired by Toriyama, and a lot of the people in this list worked as assistants for other people in this same list).

Ok finally you may say:

"woa! that's a lot of people, but in the end only 3 or 4 serve my purposes, i need something like Kaoru Mori, who draws beautiful charming, sexy yet not really vulgar characters, that are entrancing, and come with equally captivating landscapes!"

Well listen here mister, i am no manga scholar, i know some things, and most of them derive from things that i like, and from things that the hype of the year has made me read, or so to speak, it was there so i read it but otherwise i would have ignored it.

In other words i am not Hox, nor i am Paul Gravett, thus i know nothing of the panorama at large, i have no idea of Shoujo, Josei, and hentai genres, because i don't care about those, and yet they are probably exactly what you need, i am a Kazuo Umezu, Arai Hideki, Hoshino Yukinobu, Taiyo Matsumoto, Iwaaki Hitoshi fan, those people are great, Umezu himself is a legend he is the Tezuka of horror manga, yes Junji Ito pays his respects to him! but they may not be the rigth people you want to copy when it comes to drawing, they are the perfect people you want to copy when it comes to making a great story tho.


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-06-06 16:30:30

Looking at them, and let me say, you are great help.

Doomroar responds:

Well glad it helped.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-06 17:06:55

There is no way you are going to worm your way out of those ropes, no way you're going to worm your way into a worm's affections. No No No! Soon you're going to be sleeping with the fishes.

But don't worry my man. You just leave the Helibomb to me. I'm going to finish what you started. I'm going to wipe out two whole continents. And why? Don't ask why, ask why not?

... Just kidding man! Here, let me untie you. We're taking this Helibomb expedition together, just like we were supposed to. Like it said in the scriptures.

But those scriptures are just a myth, like the Bible and Chupacabra.

Doomroar responds:

Oh well thanks, but how the hell did you got your own ropes off?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-08 05:10:49

Just assume that I had a masterplan all along. But nobody will ever know how the masked magician broke loose... Oh fuck it, I'm an escapologist.

So now you know.

Doomroar responds:

Well that explains how you can get away with years of animal molestation, you just escape from the law.

Which means you could also escape from the cycle of animal molestation, you could have escaped from the bees, and the kittens, and the dogs, and bears, and fish, and mammoth tusks, and from all those animals you said were coming onto you, but you didn't, you let it happen, you refused to use your escapologist abilities!