Entry #16

Blog update:

2015-08-30 07:31:08 by Doomroar
Updated

turd


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nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-09 15:57:19

I did escape. Mentally. It was blissful receiving all that attention from the Animal Kingdom. Worshipped like a God. Revered like a Saint.

I regret nothing. Especially not the Thai hens that were into hentai. What a night that was!

Doomroar responds:

... not even a shred of regret, so shameless.

How come you get to have your way with the entire animal kingdom and i don't even get to make a nuke explode? is not like i am asking for the world, is just 1 or 2 of its continents!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-09 21:08:47

I have diplomatic immunity, the key to the city, the freedom to roam, a licence to kill, concupisence for marsupials, and balls like Mount Vesuvius.

... So, about that nuke.

Doomroar responds:

I no longer care, it will never happen. It probably wasn't even a nuke to begin with.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-10 15:47:35

It was probably one of those toy nukes, like My First Nuke suitable for Ages 0-5.

Doomroar responds:

Uhu.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-10 16:11:32

When you drop it on the floor, a flag saying bang comes out of the shell.

Doomroar responds:

With multicolored powder to add effect.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-11 19:17:42

While wearing a multicoloured dashiki.

Doomroar responds:

But why would a toy bomb need clothing?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-11 20:47:05

Because the person who made this toy bomb was called A Boy called Tom.

It is Tom that was wearing the multicoloured dashiki. And we all know who Tom grew up to become. Well as a midget he didn't really grow, but he was still larger than life.

Doomroar responds:

Wait... so have we time traveled to the past.... or did we found a relic of Tom's work?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-12 14:43:03

We found a relic. Seems more interesting that we dig up the past, rather than travel back to it. In this particular context I think.

Just think of all those exciting visits we can make to the libraries and museums, trying to find out more about this mysterious Tom character, only to get sucked into a current of controversy, convertible cars, cons, conjecture and contradictions.

Doomroar responds:

I tried to donate the toy to a museum, turns out the thing was actually quite common... now i feel bad about my ignorance so i staid the whole week on the museum, watching, learning, giving them all my money and getting a museum card...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-12 18:49:20

That museum now has so many toy nukes, it should be called a nukeseum.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2XictKgGPnM

Doomroar responds:

Ah common cold season again? go figures.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-13 17:26:41

The common cold certainly beats having the common warm.

So what did you learn once you had infiltrated that museum? After you had been given your membership card? Any secret doors or hidden passageways? Any clues on Tom?

Doomroar responds:

Na just that his period as a toy maker was meet with bankruptcy and he had to move on onto other things.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-13 20:22:53

But bankruptcy only made him stronger in the long run. He was so determined to make something of his life. They say he was a loner at school, and only had one friend and that wasn't until the final year. It was in the Physics lab where he met Seuss Hobbs.

Oh yes. He quickly went beyond the days of toy nukes that's for sure.

A great friendship started between the two, but unfortunately, a rivalry too.

Doomroar responds:

Now that's bullshit, the museum didn't had any info on that, they told me he fell into a deep depression and attempted suicide, then disappeared from the public view never to be seen again... looks like i wasted my money and time going there.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-14 14:56:46

They did find his multicoloured dashiki, which in the end turned out to be an ordinary science robe that just happened to be covered in multicoloured powder.

We did find something in the pocket though...

Doomroar responds:

A membership card to a better museum?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-14 18:49:44

Yeah... that is what it was actually. A private museum where only invited clients could bear witness to the collectibles.

And these collectibles certainly weren't toy nukes.

Doomroar responds:

Well a pity that neither of us can pass ourselves for Tom, unless you... could be that you are perhaps a person with a very short stature?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-15 11:09:47

It might work getting down on the knees and wearing some of those fake feet stickers to cover the knee caps.

Tom walks with a bit of a hobble, so nobody will be suspicious.

It's time to find out what really goes on inside this little gentlemens club.

SPEAKEASY GUY: "Been expecting you, Tom. Come straight in. No need for the password seeing as you are royalty and basically own this whole club."

The Fake Tom just nods and hobbles into the private museum. Nothing but rare trophies and collectibles. A completely empty display cabinet is the strangest. Underneath, a placard reads, The Beard of PAD.

SPEAKEASY GUY: "We'll find that beard one day, Tom. It's only a matter of time.

The fake Tom just nods again and carries on walking around. Carefully looking at each exhibit, trying to find clues. Clues as to who or what was really going on. And then he spotted a more interesting exhibit. A music box, playing a very distinct yet unrecognisable melody.

The Fake Tom: "I'm definitely on to something here. Time to check out the basement."

Doomroar responds:

Somehow the stairs leading to the basement where unpractical long, after what feel like hours of descending the Fake Tom finally arrived to the basement, and there he found...


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-06-16 02:58:27

So, let me ask you, since this has been boggling my head. In a fantasy tabletop rpg, how could you make a monster a payable character?.
P.s I got some new paper, and pens.

Doomroar responds:

You just do, first you have to nerf its stats so they can be equal to that to humanoid characters, then you have to balance its abilities so they wont break the game, and finally you limit its size so it can have access to the same places as the other characters, in a tabletop rpg everyone shares the same world, and under the looks they all have in essence the same character limited to the narrative of the dungeon master.

So deep down a monsters just ends being a non humanoid character with some quirks that make it fun to play here and there. The reason why it is boring is because humanoids set the limitations of what can be possible for playable characters, and humanoids are boring themselves.

Congratulations on the paper and pens.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-17 01:24:01

You can feel the tension as the Fake Tom walks down those steps. The chilling music box music ringing in his ears. And then... he was taken aback by what he saw.

A laboratory. A particle accelerator. Beakers, bunsen burners, tubes, pipes, Skinner boxes, instruments, pods, fauna, pendulums, whiteboards full of algorithms and formulas. The basement was literally stuffed, but at the same time it appeared ransacked, bottles of liquids had been thrown in a rage.

But the most frightening thing were the walls. Packed with paraphernalia, notes and inked messages. DEATH TO HOBBS! HOBBS ROT IN HELL! The messages were written everywhere. It seemed that Tom had a serious grudge against Seuss Hobbs. The books on the desk were filled with depressive rants and more criticisms of Hobbs' work. There was even criticism directed to his own parents, "you never wanted me," and "I wasn't conceived. I was engineered."

The Fake Tom was stunned and shocked by all of this. That was until he heard a voice from behind him speak out.

A Midget Called Tom: "My my my... come to take a peek in my lair have we?" Tom gave his gun a click. Making it active.

A Midget Called Tom: "I'd have a pretty good answer for being here if I was you. Otherwise I'm going to blast you into the middle of next week."

Doomroar responds:

Well seems like mistakes were made.
But do you immediately regret your decision?
Find out on the next episode of-
What? oh, seems like the series was cancelled oh well...







Open ending?


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-06-17 06:07:29

I enjoy just coming here to see y9u, and your friend having this long comversation, which seems to go on forever, with such Topics as, but not limited to, resturaunt satalite crashes, and a midget named Tom.

Doomroar responds:

It is so long we have a wiki about it.

No really we actually do... http://wccs.wikia.com/wiki/The_Which_Castle_Crashers_Song_Wiki


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-17 18:15:13

Choose your own ending adventure. Turn to page 366.

Fake Tom gets shot. There is no happy ending. A character really died this time, and in such tragic circumstances. It seems that A Midget Called Tom really is as merciless and dangerous as we assumed. He's not all fun and games. His middle name is not Mr Haha.

Too many secrets in that basement. Can't have his blueprints leaking out. Unlike Fake Tom's brains which are leaking out by the second.

Turn to page 452.

Oh! The Fake Tom is given a reprieve by A Midget Called Tom. Guess the saga goes on and on and on. Fake Tom gets to keep his life under one condition. That he speaks nothing of what he saw that night in the basement. He just goes home and pretends that none of this ever happened.

A Midget Called Tom: "Alright, you're off the hook. But if I ever see your face around these here parts ever again. I'll put you inside my Skinner box and experiment on you."

(Updated ) Doomroar responds:

A pity that the book only has 240 (blaze it) pages...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-18 19:23:49

The rest of the pages have been torn out and eaten by a reader of The Advantages of Being Delusional book.

Doomroar responds:

Well they do say that you get the munchies after you blaze it.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-18 20:34:32

How To Get High by A Midget Called Tom. A positive bestseller. Never let how small you are get in the way of your success.

Doomroar responds:

Hugh is one of those self help, autobiographical success story books.
To think that Tom was such a shameless scammer!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-19 02:36:46

He even threw in a couple of subtle beanstalk elevation gags. The readers were none the wiser.

Some of his scams seemed a bit fishy. A bit like scampi or Scam Pie.

Scam Pie was one of the most deceiving pies on the market. It looked absolutely delicious at first glance, but when people bit into it, their opinions changed. It was revolting. Nobody could really identify any of the ingredients that went into making Scam Pie.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-19 03:11:47

"So what actually is Scam Pie, Dad?"
"Nobody really knows, Son. Scientists have tried to discover the answer for years."
"Can we try some Scam Pie one day, Dad. It looks mouthwatering."
"Certainly not! It's a trick. Make the crust look appertising and then one bite and... a Mouthful of Ugh."
"Have you tried Scam Pie, Dad?"
"For 55 years I have avoided being in the same room as a Scam Pie. That's what the Scam Pie wants. To get on intimate terms with you and then... BAM. The next thing you're biting into it, and then puking up all over the floor. Do not give Scam Pie the satisfaction of fooling you, son. It's not worth it."
*Sounds of puking sounds in the background*
"Oh fucking dammit, Son! You fucking tried the pie didn't you."
"Yep. Baaarffghhh!"

Doomroar responds:

And then he died of dysentery.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-19 17:27:18

The inside of a Scam Pie is really horrible. Hoover dust, rabbit faeces, stale honey, out of date steak, bean curd, ketchup and Marmite.

But the outside crust itself is absolutely beautiful. Michelin Star standard.

Doomroar responds:

Stale honey!? getting the cheapest of the cheapest of ingredients.
And putting some effort into it too.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-19 18:13:26

The crust is magnificent, it's just that when your teeth get to the filling and the contents get to your taste buds. Your vomit alert receptors start to kick in.

Doomroar responds:

Is that so? but is the crust good tho?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-19 21:43:06

The crust is great, but then it's wonderful taste gets lost in a sea of repulsive ingredients which lead to eventual dysentery and death.

Doomroar responds:

Yeah, but is it? is the crust great?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-20 04:01:08

No. It's a scam.

Doomroar responds:

So not even the crust is good? what a completely shitty product.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-21 00:52:00

The Scam Pie was invented by none other than Killjoy.

Killing joy... killing dem taste buds one bite at a time.

Doomroar responds:

Well is not like anyone would try bite more than once into such a disgusting thing.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-21 20:26:23

It depends if you have got a death wish. A few bites is usually enough to end one's life.

Scam Pie Limited have even made their own corporation out of this. Their company logo is a Scam Pie with three bite marks taken out of it.

Quite sinister really. And they have hired a load of Scientology people to run the company and expand it worldwide.

Doomroar responds:

Ah shit i bet they force-feed Scam Pie to the nonbelievers.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-21 22:16:14

And they do that using the Cam Pe and All Seeing Pie.

Doomroar responds:

What!? they are in possession of the All Seeing Pie!!!!!!!!!!!? next thing you know they will be armed with Mammoth Tusks!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-22 01:05:47

Next thing you know, they'll be armed with mammoth tusk-filled all seeing pies.

Doomroar responds:

Is the end times, THE END TIMES!!!


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-24 23:59:42

It is time... time to end the End Times propaganda. And start spreading some propaganja.

All-seeing mammoth tusk propaganja-filled pies.

Doomroar responds:

All-seeing pies shaped like a mammoth tusk filled with propaganja?

So you want people to essentially get high on dick?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-26 06:05:23

Don't think of it as a dick my friend. Think of it as a peace pipe my friend. A propaganja peace pipe.

Doomroar responds:

Just because you don't think it is a dick, doesn't means that it is not a dick...


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-06-26 08:55:28

I need your oppinion on how this is looking. http://i.imgur.com/EdSehDIh.jpg


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-06-26 08:57:50

Specifically the lines, textures of skin, and shadows, and sorry it's not finished, I'ma anxious.

Doomroar responds:

The arm that is hidden by her body looks awkwardly skinny, it would help to draw it further away from her body to give her symmetry.

Texture wise, she seems roughed up, but it is hard to tell if those are part of the shadowing of her muscles, if they are wounds from battle, or... if she is just covered in dirt...

Her back, more specifically the back of her abdomen looks quite weird, is like her hips were digging in her flesh, as if she had a hole there, if i had to guess i would say that she either has no intestines or no stomach, or both. Part of the problem is that the lines denoting it are too long, and the shading on her left side is too dark, making it look like a hole.

Her breast is a little bit too high, it should be lower, specially considering that they are quite big, on the other hand if her breast are round and shaped due to muscle mass they should be closer to the center of her body, meaning that you wont be able to see it from this angle. Or maybe she just has fake boobs...

Some of the sweat on her back looks like veins...

Other than that it is all good.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-26 19:53:56

It's more of a penis pipe than a peace pipe.

Doomroar responds:

I don't think it will catch on.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-28 03:59:07

The penis pipe gags those who are not being peaceful. It's more of a choking pipe.

Doomroar responds:

You are going to punish them with dick? Is this one of those cases of "justice rape", are you going back to your molesting ways? wait... is more like you never abandoned them...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-29 06:38:31

More or less...... ting.

We're going back, back down those dark basement ladders. Not Tom's basement of course, we have already been there and look how that sorry charade turned out.

A shotgun blast to the head, and a wise reminder not to fuck with the eccentric scientists that have Scalextrics in their basement. But instead of cars going around the track, it's razor sharp trip wire. At speed that stuff will take your feet clean off.

A Midget Called Tom. Sympathy? He's got None.

Doomroar responds:

I will film this, and stream it directly to liveleak.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-29 11:41:37

Live leakages for peak audiences. I repeat! Peak audiences. Step right up! Come see Midget Tom do what he does best! Be ridiculed for your entertainment!

But ol' Tom didn't tolerate this abuse as he grew. Not literally grew, just mentally. Tom learned to toughen up and rough up his tormentors. Like when four men tried to force themselves on Tom, he was able to take them all out with special self-defence skills 'not yet seen in the west' or summin'.

Doomroar responds:

No, no, listen, you don't understand.... this has nothing to do with Tom and HIS basement, this is all about you, and your basement of depravity.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-29 17:43:14

But I don't even own a basement. And if I did, it wouldn't be full of depravity, it'd be full of animal brutality! Them attacking me!

Just because I was smitten by the kittens. And had lust for the crustaceans.

Doomroar responds:

And i quote: "We're going back, back down those dark basement ladders. Not Tom's basement of course, we have already been there and look how that sorry charade turned out." (Nietzlawe. 2016.)

Nietzlawe. (2016) Going back, back down those dark basement ladders. Retrieved from: http://doomroar.newgrounds.com/news/post/940593


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-29 21:49:38

I meant figuratively. As in, we are revisiting the same old dark grounds. Long before the days of Sandy Skrit and the Hippodrome. When the days were long and the nights were harder. Oh yes, had to find something to take out the stresses of work! So what did I do? I built a fucking basement!! AND WHAT HAPPENED THERE?!?!?! YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED THERE!!!!!! OH MY DOG! Not a literal dog, that's just a coin of phrase.

But what I was really doing was building a shelter to save all the neglected and abused animals. A place where they could feel safe, where they could recover.

I only offered them moral support... and occasionally light relief... ahem... in the form of massage services. Tobias the Deer, spent many a year... here.

Doomroar responds:

http://www.newgrounds.com/dump/item/b8bc63cade136536c5aac877efb39eed

Your honorable judge, can we take this as a confession?


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-30 06:42:14

Deary deary me... this courtroom is biased. Or should I say Tobiased.

I was merely saving the deer from a bush fire, which involved picking these animals up and taking them to a safe refuge.

It is me that is the victim here, I should be compensated immediately.

Doomroar responds:

Is that so?

Well, why not ask Tobias the deer.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cphNpqKpKc4


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-06-30 17:04:31

I bring to the attention of the jury - Exhibit A. A previous Tobias relationship, and I quote:

Tobias: "Oh look at you! Joyce, you have never looked this good, you are all caged up and covered in puke, this gets my Cumfort going like you have no idea!"
Joyce: *Throws herself against the bars in-front of Tobias!* "Master, i have been a very bad girl and i think i need some punishment!"
Tobias:"A very bad and naughty girl indeed!"
Walter: *Well so far so good...*
Joyce: "Yes! pleas punish this bad, bad inmate!"
Tobias: "And punished you will be! nothing like some good old solitary confinement to deal with some rebellious prisoners; we were planning on killing Walter anyways, so you would have ended alone regardless, but i am glad that you are starting to get into this, like really into this!"
Walter: "What?"
Tobias: "Shut up human, you are ruining the moment."

Tobias the Deer is a sociopathic, sadistic, narcissistic and manipulative figure. He will stop at nothing to bring down others... sometimes sexually if he's feeling particularly vicious... which is 99% of the time.

Doomroar responds:

I see so you admit that things got "sexual" with you and Tobias?
Is that the "form" those "massaging services" took?
So that's the kind of light relief you were offering!?

Your honor, i have never seen a guiltier man that this...


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-07-01 07:26:25

Objection your honour.

The massage services were strictly platonic. Yes, 99% of the time, Tobias is a vicious beast, but the 1% of the time is when we met, and the massages were just ordinary, professional massages. No funny business at all.

Now if I could just get my compensation and an apology, I'll be on my merry way.

Doomroar responds:

On his merry way to molest more animals, surely!

Plus if anything he pretty much confessed to be engaged in a platonic relationship with a vicious kidnapping criminal, and yet despite that he hopes to just walk this off, with an apology on top!? how corrupt can someone get? your honor, this man can't go free with all this.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-07-01 17:07:52

You know what? I've had enough of all this speculat...

Suddenly, he was interrupted by the sound of a large crash. What appeared to be a truck containing satellite dishes and honey had smashed through one of the courtroom walls.

"Ahh, just in the nick of time. Yep.. I'll be on my merry way, forget the compensation. Let the jury share it."

Tobias: "Yeah I'm pissed off with all this nonsense too, let's get out of here."
Nietzlawe: "Where to, Tobias?"
Tobias: "I don't care as long as it is somewhere warm."

And as they are both sat in the front two seats of the truck, wearing shades. Nietzlawe starts up the truck and off they drive, to start a new life. With this song playing on the car stereo:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YDDkCiUhHCc

Doomroar responds:

See your honor? they escaped in a truck full of honey and satellite dishes, just who knows what those too "platonic" lovers will do with all that, probably cover each other in honey download a bunch of porn, and start "massaging" each other, at least this time it will be consensual, so maybe is not that bad.

But! they just fled away from their juridic duties by interrupting the legal system, clearly the actions of bonafide criminals, they have become fleeing felons... regardless lets not forget their initial crimes, this is all just a cover up to make us forget about their past atrocities.

Judge: "Look Mr. Doomroar, we get it, they are both guilty, of various hideous things, but they are not here anymore, and until they are in front of me in court, there's not much..."
Doomroar: "Your honor, you can issue an order of capture, among other things they just ruined the place by crashing a truck all the way into the court room..."
Judge: "Sure i can do that"
Doomroar: "Great, now i just have to get some dirt on Steve and my revenge will be on its initial phase."
Judge: "What was that?"
Doomroar: "I said: Great, now i just have to get some dirt on Steve and my revenge will be on its initial phase."
Judge: "Oh don't tell me they.."
Doomroar: "What? oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, i have never been molested; it is just a little matter with 2 continents and some nukes that never came to fruition."
Judge: "Mmmmh, Mr. Doomroar, are you a conspirator perhaps?"
Doomroar: "Your honor, they have frustrated me so much, and so many times, i don't even get to claim that i had the luck to conspire with anyone, whenever something interesting seem to happens, and i get to think about a plan, immediately something else incurs and then the idea about the plan can't even be... yet that bastard is out there fondling a deer all covered in honey..."
Judge: "Uhum, what sad story" *picks nose*
Doomroar: "So... i guess we should go on our ways."
Judge: "Nothing much to do with the place on this state."
Doomroar: "Point taken."


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-07-03 21:52:53

Judge: "Before you go, there is a present waiting outside for you."
Doomroar: "For me?!"
Judge: "It's outside, just go through that hole in the wall."
Doomroar: "Oooh, you shouldn't have!!"
Judge: "That's right, Doomroar. You're very own helibomb."
Doomroar: "I-I don't know what to say!"
Judge: "A simple thanks will be sufficient."
Doomroar: "But aren't you supposed to be preventing crime rather than letting it happen?"
Judge: "Nope."

The Judge then proceeded to pull off a human face mask revealing a lizard face.

Doomroar: "W-what?!"
Judge: "All a ruse."
Doomroar: "And the Jury?"
Judge: "Paid actors. You're probably thinking why would we go to the trouble of faking this whole court trial."
Doomroar: "Yeah..."
Judge: "Because we can. That's why. Anyway, haven't you got a job to do? Those 2 continents aren't going to blow themselves up."
Doomroar: "I can't tell you how grateful I am to be given this platform to finally launch the helibomb. I mean I've waited my whole life for this day to come."
Judge: "On behalf of us lizards. We would like to wish you all the best and hope that this plan finally succeeds. We have waited a long time to destroy the Earth. Sometimes poisoned space needles are not enough to do the job."

*To be continued*

Doomroar responds:

Doomroar:"But frankly speaking, all of this sounds like a trap"


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-07-04 22:50:40

A tishhh you, we all have issues, and fall down like grown ups that put peanut butter on the nipples of blown up dolls... I say its been blown out of all proportion. Yet allowed to flourish and now there is nothing we can be punished for... Its kind of funny in a way like the Brexit vote as nobody knows where the exits are... Blind panic, lines of manic depressives wallowing in dark slumps like lard ass lumps... One lump or two, Sir? Where? In my testicles? Aye, got to check for lumps or down the sofa for cheques that haven't bounced, and stray frisbees and frisk searches that last for hours. What kind of risk ASSessment is this?! The kind that isn't kind. This is mind control, my control, my time to con and troll my way to victory like Hector and Civil Servants called Maxine Gleese and Philip Nestor... What happened to the resta them? They were arrested seconds after resting. Frankly it was the best thing that ever happened since the Zzzap comic and other illogical thoughts while drinking ginger beer and growing a ginger beard with blonde streaks... But as they said, mistakes were made, steaks were ate. Hatred ruled the roost until the roost grew some balls using the Grow Your Own Balls Starter Kit... And then he went out to start some shit. Brawling with bowlers with much smaller balls. The whole mall was in disarray, and the only rays of hope were distant... like the nonexistent gods and inconsistent modifications to religious texts. Fictitious man the cause of malicious threats. Threadbare facts, got to try and find the truth elsewhere. Hells, where? Under the ground you say? It doesn't help. I could have fell for it. The scam, this whole thing was a sham marriage, baby. This carriage was a false carrycot. But we have got to carry on. Carry the can for man's stupidity. But playtime is over, its Sugar Ray time, suffer, rage, might. Another rape, snuff, suffocate minds. Time to push hate crime to a whole 'nother place, right? Like Dog when he released a plague of oven baked hotheads.

Doomroar responds:

Doomroar: "And this is practically like confirming that this whole deal is a ruse..."


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-07-05 12:55:14

It's not a trap or a ruse. It's a rap or a truse. I mean a truce. You have nothing to lose, like that truck that keeps crashing into Walls ice cream. The thing is... the truck accidentally collided with the helibomb, leaving it inoperable and in need of repairs.

So once again, your opportunity to blow up 2 continents is postponed yet again. So many plans scuppered, long-suffering plotlines that are not tied up. So many loose ends, not enough noose knots tight enough to garrote a moose or a deer. No way of catching Nietz or Tobias when they flee the scene of a crime by climbing into the same vehicle and speeding towards a field of behemoths that are intent on stealing the moth's alcohol stash. Plus we got our truck tyres slashed, and wired up so any wrong move would start a fire. Fucking heck! What predicaments! I'm sick of em!

Doomroar responds:

I knew it, it looks like a helibomb but it is just an elaborate trouser dispenser!

By the way, that truck must be running out of gas right about now, i bet we can catch up to them if we start walking now, but... that means we will find them in the middle of their honey massages, and no one wants to see that.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-07-06 21:23:49

The helibomb was sabotaged, by Sabu the wrestler, and you had to pick up the tab for damages, as well as a pair of dispensed damaged jeans. Torn Levis that were torn between two lovers. Battling for the affections of Ben Levis. But Ben was too busy scaling Nevis to care, he wasn't scared of heights or cornices, but he was a Menace II Society. One time he menaced the whole member list of Mensa. Bullying those with high IQs and sometimes he'd steal their hiking shoes because he liked them. Ben Levis was one hell of a dangerous fugitive, he'd steal fudge, and bear grudges and ill will against terminally ill patients. It's a shame that somebody couldn't give him a taste of his own medicine. But he'd never brewed medicine, he had no medicine to call his own. All he had was a medicine ball to strengthen his core ab muscles until he was perfectly conditioned and in shape to menace them all. Bully people from all walks of life, even runners and joggers. Sometimes he'd push a cyclist off his bike just because he liked violence. Cyclic frenzied attacks, he had no attachments, he was a lone ranger, one of the strangest men. A painter and decorator by day. By night he would frighten old ladies and insert ladles into their rectums or have unprotected sex with them, then dissect the corpses and leave the body parts on porches. Poor bitch. Ben was a morbid fucker. Heaven forbid he should somehow get on the back of that truck that Nietz and Tobias were now stuck in. Trapped in the fields surrounded by behemoths from Bethlehem puking and spitting up phlegm and mucus. Those behemoths and their foul play... they wouldn't have it their own way if they were staying in Owl Town. They wouldn't fuck with Tony, or Tawny as he prefers to be called. He's one violent bastard and doesn't ask questions. He just wing-slaps the fuck out of his adversaries. But his victims shouldn't take it personally. It's just strictly business. Like Nietz and Tobias in a massage session. There are no 'happy endings' so to speak. The only happy ending is unstressed muscles and joints and ache-free limbs. None of this smearing honey on genitals or other seedy shit like getting leeches to suck my seed. If it's not the deers, now it's the leeches. Just where does the line get drawn? Even the fleas have to flee, even though it's not feasible to see them at all. I'd probably eat them by accident, a feast, an unspeakable act. Will the unreasonable attraction to semen extraction ever retract? Or be reigned in, like the reign of Terrance and TROT HQ. No need to trot out all those old excuses. May as well just rot in peace and buy a retirement home in Nova Scotia and openly eat kosher meat in front of a vegetarian and scare them by not caring about their feelings. This isn't time for season's greetings, this is time for a meeting of minds, we're treating this game with gleeful excitement. Filling me inside like lipid suction, and more corruption than Hillary's indictment. And I thought Ben Levis was evil! And twisted like a tranny with his hair in tresses. Never mind the menace.. the wheel was ferris. His whole appeal was feral. He had no ethics, yet on the weekends he'd play some tennis like nothing had happened. His brain could switch off, play ignorant and be desensitised, yet attracted to centralised power. A Menace to South Central. Yet sometimes he would donate money to south Sudan. Did a lot of charity work secretly, two sides, like most men. We all hide a bottle of rage, and don't know when role models are rapists. People adapt and tap into whatever the situation demands. A bloody decanter. I'm just lucky to be alive, that I survived through this cancerous dander. But Dan Didn't. His plan to withstand the brutal behemoth massacre backfired. And bodies were lain strewn, like Iain and Shawn. Even Tobias and Nietz were showing no signs of life. The truck upturned and burnt out, with Tawny sat on top. And with the helibomb being a ruse, there was nothing left, plans were scuppered and had shuddered to a grinding halt. No more finding fault, no more trials, no more jury, no more animal fury, no more stupid tales, no more tomfoolery. No more Midget Tom, no more priggish plots. No more bombs being rigged, no more continents being picked off. So where do we go from here? From happiness to Project Fear. Villages with signs that say NO SEX HERE! So let's hear the new plan, about how that truck was replaced with a new van, yet that helibomb was too damaged to be repaired or replaced. And so those 2 continents had to remain unscathed and the route was paved for peace and stability in the region. Everything was looking good, smelling like roses, that was until the sky collapsed and the inhabitants suddenly went hyper because of something leaking out of the gas pipes. Gas pipes that exploded because something crashed into them. A truck containing satellite dishes and honey. And so it began again. A new loop. A new low to stoop to for Nietzlawe and Doomroar to do more back and forth tales. Long before the days of Barlowe and the Wikia were kicking up our shores. Licking up our spores...


themightyCaolfthemightyCaolf

2016-07-08 21:04:58

Hmm, been a while since I looked her, nice too see you both still at it.

(Updated ) Doomroar responds:

Yeah and yet the story has not advanced at all, i am still waiting for him to reply to were the real plot was left, but maybe it is for the better the recent ideas have been quite boring.

And a big problem with that is the moment we the authors self insert ourselves, we did it once, but we quickly managed to abstract ourselves from the narrative, but this time it all just went to shit, not only did we derailed from the main plot, we also became the protagonist... and that in part put us in a stand still, the story has entered a loop of pointlessness, like before it was just nonsense, but now it is just pointless nonsense folding upon itself.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-07-09 22:15:25

Have faith my friend, all is not lost. If anything, the journey is only just beginning. The real plots will get resumed again. I promise you, I leave no stone unturned. Except that one. And that one. And that one.

I'm heavily invested in the Wikia. It can be something utterly fucking unique. I plan to dedicate the rest of my human existence to writing, but just let me tie off some loose ends first before I am able to put my heart and soul and attention to all the things I have planned.

It's true, we hopscotch in and out of scenes like a man watching a man watching a man watching a man through a tv screen. The interchanging has been exhaustive, much like my life as of late...

But when the uprising begins it will fucking begin. No warning at all.

Dog Bless All.

Doomroar responds:

Don't worry, i think i will make a couple thousand stone castles with all those unturned stones, get the help of some holy dogs to bless the construction, and wait inside the fortified stone walls for the uprising.


nietzlawenietzlawe

2016-07-11 21:04:04

Well, I shall knock on one of these stone walls and we will uprise together. Or should I say, rise up. (Not in a gay way) but in a very majestic manner.

Majestic my friend. It will be majestic! Like MegaNet, Megadeth or just anything with the word Mega in front. Even boredom sounds interesting when it's called MegaBoredom.

Doomroar responds:

Of course, of course, no homo, no homo at all.

What about Cormega? also known as Mega? he got roasted pretty bad by Nas back in the day, and he had Mega in his name, nothing majestic about it.